Deliverance

(Sep 1999) In the space of one single week the truth I needed to hear in order to get free from demonic oppression came into my life from a friend, a pastor, and a total stranger. Before it started, the Lord forecast his intentions through a series of coincidences. On the morning of 7 Sept 1999 I read my Bible briefly before heading to work. The selection I chose was Mark 2:4, where the paralytic is lowered through the rooftop by his friends to be cured by Jesus. Without looking I placed a random Living Bible tape in my tape player and headed to my workplace. The tape contained the gospel of Mark. It jammed and stopped playing immediately after Mark 2:4. What a strange coincidence!! When I got to my office, I took Spurgeon's Morning by Morning off my bookshelf to read a quick devotional before starting my work day. The devotional for this particular day was also on Mark 2:4. That made three times in a row!!! By this time I was certain that someone was going to be healed. But I had no idea that it was going to be me! Over the next week three noteworthy things happened in rapid succession.

1. My best friend knew that my spouse had been tearing down our marriage and family for several years. He asked me what I did about my anger. I gave him the standard "Sunday School" answer, that I just turned my anger over to the Lord and let go of it. Not satisfied with my answer, he gave me a book explaining that repressed anger is a major cause of depression. I was convicted when I read it.

2. Our pastor gave a sermon on depression. What an unusual sermon topic! I knew that I had been depressed for years and was only half the man I ought to be. I had been doing all of the things that our pastor recommended for a long time: interacting with other people, engaging in physical exercise, focusing on the task at hand, avoiding introspection, eating and sleeping right. But none of it helped me much. I was still limping through each new day. I was discouraged to hear that I was doing all the “right things” without getting much relief. I resigned myself to a bleak future without hope.

3. The third person was a complete stranger. I was on jury duty Friday 11 Sept. Jury duty leaves lots of free time waiting around with nothing to do. So I struck up a conversation with him. Several times he used a phrase that cut me to the quick. “If you like yourself, other people will like you too.” Each time he said it, I realized that I did NOT like myself. In fact, I realized for the first time ever that I despised myself. But why? I would never allow myself to harbor such negative thoughts about anyone else! So why would I think that way about myself, especially when I was a child of God? Hate is demonic, and the only thing that could hate me like this was a demon. That thought frightened me! I finally put the following chain of reasoning together.

Eph 4:26-27 says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Matt 18:34-35 (NIV) says, "In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

I had been depressed for years, because I had been angry for years, which means that I had been given the devil a foothold for years. And if I had given the devil a foothold for years, surely he had moved in by now. He is a very aggressive enemy. The logical conclusion was that I was now demonized. And what better evidence than this inner self-hatred? Oh my! What have I gotten myself into?!!! I became so frightened that I confessed and repented of my anger and unforgiveness over and over and over and over again. That night I had a bizarre dream!

There’s a Bug in My Belly!

Friday night I dreamed that I was putting on my shirt in the morning when I noticed a pair of insect antenna perhaps four inches long protruding from a “second” belly button just slightly above my navel. The understanding in the dream was that this had been there for a long, long time. But I had never been able to see it before. I called for my wife in alarm. She came and looked. But to my amazement she could not see anything amiss. My wife was not able to perceive what I could so plainly see (i.e. no discernment of spirits). She just casually shrugged and walked away.

The antenna were twitching, and for the first time ever I could feel something large and alien squirming in my tummy. I was frantic to get it out of my abdomen immediately, but there was nothing to take hold of but the slender antenna.If they tore off, what then? I decided to risk it. Pulling gently but steadily on the antenna, I extricated a huge grub from my belly. It came out so easily! I tossed the grub aside in disgust. But what about my abdomen? I expected to see a gaping bloody hole where the grub had been. But to my surprise, there was only a small bloodless wound that even now was almost completely closed up and healed. That was the end of my bizarre dream.

I woke up the next morning (Saturday) and dove into my customary chores and errands with lively energy. About 10:00 AM I was in the grocery store when it suddenly dawned on me that my depression was gone! It had been so long that I had forgotten how good "plain vanilla" normal feels! What had happened? I suddenly remembered my strange dream and connected the dots. But in an age of unbelief, who would ever believe me?

When I returned home, our dog had tangled her leash around a tree stump once again by running around in circles. Now she was unable to reach her water dish. I thought, “When will she ever learn? Is she really that stupid?” As I walked over to untangle her leash I reflected upon the similarity between her predicament and mine. It was her own fault that she was tangled, and it was my own fault that I had tangled myself up in unforgiveness and anger. I thought it through once more just to be sure that I understood it correctly. I told myself:

It's an imperfect world. And for as long as my heart continues to beat, unfair things will happen to me. I can't change the world. But I can change how I respond to the world. And there are only two choices. I can either forgive and be hurt just once. Or I can hold onto resentment and endlessly replay the offense over and over again in my mind. But if I do that, I will open myself to demonic oppression – because anger and unforgiveness open the door to evil spirits. This is a “no-brainer.” The only thing to do is to forgive quickly and move on. It's not about excusing the person(s) who hurt or betrayed me. It's about protecting my own welfare.

At this point the Lord spoke softly to my heart,

"Most people never figure it out."

I decided to tell no one what had happened for an entire month. If it was a genuine deliverance, then it would still be working in 30 days and I could tell others at that time. If it was not and I slipped back into depression, then it was better to keep quiet and not bring reproach on the name of the Lord. Of course, it did last. And I do tell others when it is appropriate. It might make a better story if I had been 100% cured overnight. However, shortly after my deliverance the following verse in Exodus jumped out at me.

(Ex 23:29-30 NIV) But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

This is indeed how matters progressed. The deliverance cured most of my depression overnight But there was also a lot of slower recovery work over the following months. The old feelings of depression would repeatedly come back and rattle my gate. Sometimes I would slip back into depression for several hours, but never for as long as a day. I had firmly resolved never to allow that bug back into my belly – regardless of circumstances!

Please note that at the time of my deliverance, I was saved, had been daily in my Bible for over a decade, knew a great deal of Scripture, and I prayed in the Spirit. My relationship with the Lord was genuine and sweet. I was a child of God. Yet at the same time I was under strong demonic oppression. This probably upsets someone's theology. Facts have a way of doing that!

CounterAttack

Luke 11:24 - When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through the arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, "I will return to the house I left.” Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first.

Several months after my deliverance I had a vivid dream in which I was a 12 year old boy once again. My father was yelling and threatening me, demanding that I be angry at things my wife had done in the past. He was infuriated when I calmly refused to take on an angry spirit. I simply said, "No Dad." He then redoubled his efforts, to which I calmly said, "No Dad, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20). At this point he became so furious that I was sure he was going to plant his clenched fist into my face. But I held my ground. Suddenly, without warning, he turned and ran away. What a symbolic dream! I personally believe that I fought a spiritual battle as I dreamed . . . and I won!

Summary - I learned the hard way! I tell my story in the hope that others will learn the easy way. No matter how badly you have been treated, you cannot allow anger and unforgiveness to fester in your heart. For your own protection, forgive quickly and move on!