Godly Goals vs. Godly Desires

I grew up in a “Hallmark Christmas” family. Or at least that is the way I perceived it as a child. We didn’t have money. But we had fun, love, and lots of kids! The heartbeat of our home was our Mom. She grew up in a small southern town surrounded by the love and security of family and cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. I grew up knowing first hand what a good marriage and happy family looks like. This is what I wanted when I grew up. And I fully expected to have it one day because all you need is love, right? Fast-forward half a century and more.

My Bible study said, “Your assignment today is to talk to God about the desires of your heart.” So I turned on some soft instrumental Christmas music and started telling Him what He already knew.

“All I ever wanted in this life was a loving marriage and a happy family. But you gave me a woman who didn’t know how to be a wife. When she trashed our marriage, she trashed our family too. So, when it comes to the desires of my heart, I am 0 for 2.”

Shattered dreams? He hears that a lot. Then a child’s voice from within me piped up, “Why me?!!!” He hears that a lot too. I was surprised when that little voice spoke up. But no matter how grown up we think we are, deep down inside we are still just little children.

“Why not you?
You never learned anything in the good times.
This way you grew.
And you reached out and helped others.
You have an eternity of problem-free, joy-filled living ahead of you.
For now, follow Me.”

I’m OK with this now because it made me a better person. And I will carry my refined-in-the-fire character into Eternity. But there is also the issue of being a faithful steward. When I became a Christian, I realized that my marriage and family were extremely important assignments straight from God. And contrary to what my wife claimed, our marriage was not a mistake. Long ago You told me that You were our match-maker, the one who brought us together. Consequently, I always wanted to make our marriage and family beautiful to You, like a lovely Christmas gift.

At this point I had a vision of Christmas gifts on a table that were to be placed together in a large box (representing my marriage and family). The box was supposed to be gift wrapped and decorated with pretty ribbon - my beautiful gift to Jesus! But the box was torn and wouldn’t hold its shape. No matter how I placed the gifts in the box, they kept spilling out onto the table! When I finally got all of them to stay in the box, I could not get the wrapping paper to fit smoothly because the box was torn and misshapened. Ditto for the ribbon. How frustrating!!! Instead of a beautifully wrapped gift, it was a mess! I felt like a failure.

“That’s not under your control.”

He waited a moment to let that sink in – for the umpteenth time!

"And that’s not what I’m looking for.”

“What then?” I asked, kinda puzzled. He replied,

“You!"

Then I had a vision of a smaller gift (me!) wrapped in forest green foil with a plain brown ribbon on top. It was certainly not the flashiest present under the tree. But it was neat and tidy. He explained,

“I hold you accountable only for your part,”

“I guess old dreams die hard,” I sighed. . . . He replied,

“Those were good dreams,”

Have Some of Your Dreams Died?

Christian counselor and author Neil Anderson says that we can avoid a lot of heartache and confusion if we learn to distinguish between Godly Goals vs. Godly Desires.

• A Godly Goal reflects God’s purpose for your life.
  Nobody and no thing is big enough to prevent you from achieving God's Goals for your life. They are under your control. All you have to do is cooperate with God.


• A Godly Desire is a specific result that depends on the cooperation of other people, the success of events, or favorable circumstances that are not under your control.
  My Godly desires were a loving, happy marriage and a close-knit family with good relationships. What are yours? It is good to have Godly desires. But it is not good to make your happiness, peace of mind, identity, or sense of worth contingent upon achieving them . . . because you cannot control their fulfillment. If you do so, you are setting yourself up to (emotionally) crash and burn . . . . because life is full of unpredictable events and disappointments, other people won’t always cooperate, and things won’t always go your way.

Summary

1. Q: What is the difference between a Godly Goal vs. a Godly Desire?
   A: Athough both are good, only a Godly Goal is under your control. A Godly Desire depends on other people and/or things that are not under your control.


2. Q: What is the danger of making your happiness, identity, peace of mind, or sense of worth contingent upon achieving your Godly Desires?
   A: You set yourself to (emotionally) crash and burn when other people or events prevent your Godly desires from happening.


3. Q: Why does God want you to anchor your happiness, peace of mind, identity, and sense of worth in Him?
   A: Because He wants these things to be completely secure and unshakeable in your life, no matter what happens or what other people might do.


4. Q: What goal do you have right now that should be re-defined as a "Godly Desire?"