Answers to My Questions

John 10:27, “My sheep hear my voice"

The preceeding webpages of this secton were presented from a psychological point of view. But this and the following pages present personal experiences as I struggled to deal with two mentally ill family members - and this at a time when I knew very little about mental illness. My refuge was God! I became accustomed to hearing from the Lord in a phrase, or perhaps in a sentence or two - to give me guidance for the next step. But on rare occasions it turned into a two-way conversation where I got to ask about my deepest concerns and listen to His answers. That's what happened when I woke up one Saturday morning at the Georgia Men’s Advance. For the 10,000th time I was thinking about mental illness, generational curses, demons, the sinful carnal nature . . . . all contributors to the tragic demise of our happy marriage and family. And our children were caught in the middle of this storm! I had so many unanswered questions! So many unanswered prayers! As my thoughts spiraled downward, I was surprised to hear the Lord calmly say,

“It only drove you closer to Me.”

“Well, that part went according to plan,” I admitted.

“It ALL went according to My plan.”

“I see what I got out of it. But what about my wife?”

“I’m still working on her.”
"I've been working on both of you - for a long time!"

“And our children . . ..????”

As much as possible, I had sheltered them from the storm when they were young. Nevertheless, they had grown up in a dysfunctional home - something I never imagined would happen! A friend who prayed for us says this is what the Lord showed her: "Our children are confused because the Christian talk they hear from their parents does not line up with what they see at home." I asked the Lord, "Will this cause problems in their adult life? What should I do now?"

“They’re old enough to know. They're not going to benefit unless they understand.”

The Lord reminded me how He blinded my eyes for years to the oh-so-obvious manifestations of mental illness in my wife. Because if I had known that each pregnancy drove her deeper into mental illness, I would've seen to it that we didn't conceive any more children. And then our three youngest children - Jonathan, Jordan, and Alyssa - would never have been born! It all makes sense now. But I didn't understand it at the time.

Demons had moved into our home and were still stoking the flames. There had been several scary manifestations! So for the blue bazillionth time I commanded them to leave in the Name of Jesus.

“Now stand on it!”

“All this nastiness! How much was demonic and how much was my wife?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s all evil. It all needs to be forgiven. That’s what you must always do with evil.”

Our daughter Luanna inherited her mother's mental illness and died by suicide when she went off her medication. So I asked, “What did Luanna get out of this?”

“She came to me earlier.”

After my wife walked out of our marriage, I had time and opportunity to help others whose families were being torn apart by mental illness. I didn’t go looking for these people. You sent them to me.

“That’s part of the story too.”

"Did our marriage fail because of bipolar disoder?"

“Things would've happened pretty much the same with or without the bipolar, and regardless of whom she had married.”

I thought of one particularly desperate family situation. “If I hadn't helped them, where would they be now?”

“If not you, I would have sent someone else. I always take care of My children."

I circled back to my own family, seeking closure. "But what about all the bad things that happened?”

“None of the bad was from Me. I only brought good out of it . . . as much as you allowed Me to.”